Not Easily Erased

Not Easily Erased

In light of future events I began thinking of my history here on this earth. I (as most on the surface of this planet) can say that are things that I am not proud of and that if left up to me, would be completely obliterated from what is known as “Isaac Arodi Valentin’s” historical time line. What I must realize is that my history is indeed what has cultivated the present person that most perceive me to be. As much as I want to get rid of my actions they are who I am and what God will use as he pleases. Those things (as much as I wish they were) are not so easily erased from the fabric of time. If I could go back then I would bring the Taser I have now and Tase myself to make sure that I would have walked a different path. And in light of future events (and I guess finally get this off of my convicting flesh) for the first time I will relinquish memories that I myself had suppressed for years. Memories that are not ones I wish to have bouncing off the canvases of my mind. Now this is not a my version of therapy, but as a man in the beginnings of his ministry, how can I expect God to use me to help teens who may battle with similar enemies as I have, if I can not praise God for my victory of those enemies.
In my early teen years, I found myself in the grasps of homosexuality. I had never thought about it growing up as a kid, the battle began and I am afraid to say that it was not one that I won at first. I had a girlfriend at the time, but I was also sexually involved with one of my male friends. These things I am not proud of, but as I sit here now and reflect back on those times, I am completely thankful to God and to Jesus for my victory here today. Like I said, when God finally granted me freedom from perversion that had consumed me, I subconsciously locked the memories of what I had done away in the deepest recesses of my mind. It wasn’t till after I got married that God brought them into light again. And although I, God and my wife have worked through these things, I still have those memories, memories that if left up to me would not exist today. But that is how the mind works, and that period of my life is one that I wish I would not have gone through.
You see, in our lives there will always be crucial moments that arise, and in those moments we have choices. The decisions we make in those moments can either MAKE or BREAK the very fabric of our historical timeline. In my history, when I chose to give in to the perversion that was before me, it ripped that strand of my time line, and now when I look back at my life, instead of seeing a beautiful tapestry of events that lead up to my present state of victory. I see missing and incomplete images, followed by periods of shame and self unforgiveness.
You see when you face this pivotal moments in your life, you must truly turn to Jesus and rely on his guidance. I’m sure in my case, Jesus would have told me to flee, and not some passive “fleeing”, but to flee as if I had just murdered some one and I was trying to leave the country. Jesus should be the center of it all. When we look back at the tapestry of our history, we should see, countless woven masterpieces of when life brought us pivotal, life altering moments, and we turned to Jesus to guide us the path that HE sees fit for our future purposes in HIS grand scheme of eternity.
In the end what every path we take, how ever we decide to handle our life of opportunities. Whether it is to allow Jesus to guide us or to allow our own selfish curiosity and desire to be what we follow. The outcomes are not so easily erased.